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Relations

December 23, 2008

With what kind of people do you most like to be with? Who makes you feel the best? In whose presence do you enjoy being the most?

If you carefully observe and analyze your attitudes and the feeling that you have in their presence, you would probably find something common and would come to some of the following conclusions:

In their presence you feel that you are totally accepted as you are. They give you the opportunity to be yourself. They do not put expectations on you. You can express yourself, your inner being in safety and assurance that all will be OK. Because you feel that they will not condemn you or get upset.
They genuinely interested in your wellbeing and challenge you to be the best and the greatest you can be and that lifts you up and inspires you.
In their presence you feel good about yourself and full of hope.
You do not feel manipulated, controlled or forced to do or be anything than what you want to be. You have complete freedom.
When we experience some of the above in our fellowship with this kind of a person we are often overwhelmed by a certain kind of indescribable feeling and we call it love. And in that moment there is something within us that wants to mirror this experience back to that person and others.

Observe the people that you believe are in love and you will see that the more above points they experience the more in love they appear. And if you want to have a similar experience then do what you can to make the other person feel good about themselves and most likely they will do the same for you. They will mirror back the same kind of pleasure you give them. Try it, begin with a smile especially to those that know you and will not think you have become crazy.

Expectations

How do you respond to those who put expectations on you? And why do we expect when we suffer from our expectations so much? Have you noticed?

We learn in our childhood that it is better to fulfill the expectations of those around us and as parents we enforce our expectations on our children. Often it is done automatically without thinking and if we do we reason, that we know what is best for them and besides our expectations help us to keep the house running easier.

When children know what is expected of them, like what time to go to bed and if they do not live up to our expectations then they know that there will be unpleasant consequences. So, we get used to living up to other people’s expectations and learn how to enforce our own on others. And before we know it and without realizing we become slaves to our own and other people’s expectations.

Those who live under our expectations; do they enjoy being prisoners to them? Do we need to live under the expectations that we live under? Have we matured enough to leave our childish behavior?

Let us take responsibility for our own responses. Others may never give up their unreasonable expectations of us unless we clearly let them know that we have matured enough to live the way we see it best no matter how upset they get.

How to Influence Those You Love

To whose influence are you most open? Who can tell you just about anything and you gladly listen to them? Are they not the same people in whose presence you enjoy being?

Does the person that you want to influence seeks your presence or avoids it? If he avoids you then most likely he/she will avoid your influence as well. If he is communicating to you to leave him alone, then the best thing you can do for him and yourself is to assure them, if possible, of your love and concern for them and then give them full freedom.

You can influence them only when they seek you out for your input into their life. I am not talking about infants here but even with them, they accept your guidance when they want you.

Develop into the kind of a person that they will enjoy being with. Be just the listener if that is all they would like you to be, for now, and do not give them you opinion or advice unless they ask you for it or you could carefully ask them for permission to share with them what is on your heart or mind.

If they do not want to hear it, then they would not pay attention to your wisdom anyway, especially if you try to force it on them. Do everything possible not to awaken their resistance to what your say or to your presence.

Would you not feel the same if someone infringes on your freedom of being and doing what you like? Unless, of course, you have asked them to disciple you, then you would be on their side working against the resistance within you.

You are wasting your time advising them, unless the person trusts you and believes that you desire them good and sees that you have something of value to add to his own wisdom. Unless they desire your help, do not offer it to them, it’s counterproductive.

There are no exceptions. If you think you know of some examples then look again and you would probably see that it is just an appearance. There is more to it than what it is on the surface.

Person values nothing more than his freedom. To survive, he may temporally go along with some limitation on his freedom but only for a time, until he can attain as much freedom as he possibly can. Do you not do the same? Then what makes you think that in this aspect the other person is different?

In relationships, the most beautiful satisfaction, joy and love are experienced when there is full freedom, without any fear and addiction.

To achieve such relationships, one needs to trust Life and work on himself, so as to be able to give to others what he wants for himself and not be demanding. We are mirroring to one another our inner states. Smile and most will smile back to you.

Love is freedom! If you love someone; and he wants to leave you – let him go; and if he comes back to you later and you want him back then enjoy him, but only for the period of time that he would enjoy being with you and you with him.

Wouldn’t you like to have such a freedom also? So, then give it to others and it will be given to you. That is the Law of Life.

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