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December 23, 2008

Be Careful of Attachments
Most of us have the inclination to very easily become addicted or attached to that which gives us pleasure, be it people or something else. There is a tendency within us to repeat the good experiences and at times we are prepared to do everything possible to repeat the enjoyable experience in the future.
The consequences are bad enough when the addiction is to some substance and we can see it clearly in others but somehow we fail to realize that when our addiction is to a particular person, we are more foolish than the drug addict. Because a person has a free will and could decide at any time, not to give you the repeat of that pleasure. Not only, because, for some reason he can’t, but it could be for no reason that we could comprehend.
With people, just as with substances, we should never let ourselves be addicted or attached. Addiction is an indication that we have not discovered our self-sufficiency within ourselves. We see ourselves as a person needing to be pitied or taken care of, which leads us to expect or even demand that others do what they can to help us to enjoy life.
It is much easier to be on the giving end but make sure that you do everything possible that the receiver does not become addicted to you. For when he realizes that he cannot be without you, he will want you but also resent you as the drug addict his drugs. He will both dislike himself for being needy and detest you for being his need.
As you can see from my reasoning, why all major religions and philosophical thoughts have this in common: Do for others what you want them to do for you.
Another way to look at this is:
Each one of us claims a certain amount of space for himself, protects it and does not let anyone unauthorized to go over its borders. For instance, you let your loved ones come closer to you than you let a stranger.
Do not cross someone’s border if you where not given that privilege, even if he crosses yours. Be gentle and nice but do not let him into your space much more than he lets you into his. Do not let anyone trample you under their feet. Unless you really think that it would do most good for all.
When you value his and your freedom equally he will have to choose to value your freedom if he is to enjoy your fellowship. Of course, if you have nothing of value for him then there is nothing you can do.
Besides the above principles in relationships, do not let familiarity come between you and your partner or a spouse. Have the attitude that they owe you nothing. Give them your full attention when you are with them.
When your partner comes home after being away for some time, make sure that, if at all possible, you meet her/him at the door with a loving gesture, what ever way it is appropriate in your culture.
Treat them as the most important event in your present life. Could there be something more important in your life? Really? Does not a loving relationship make life worthwhile? Ask any one in love and they’ll tell you that it is so. But why does that love disappear? It disappears because the above principles are not applied

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